Asking for what I want

It's been a gradual realization that I need to ask for what I want out of life. Sometimes that means "being the change I want to see," which I've also embraced, and sometimes it means just simply that, asking.

In the past, I've let things get in the way. I've worried over what other people might think, and imagined that asking shows weakness.

But you know what, I'm done with that.

For example, as a single in the SCA, I've recently asked on my barony's social group, if people are interested in carpooling to various events. In the past, I'd have worried that people would look down on me for that, think that I was begging for a ride, or think that I was being pathetic. That's not it. It's as simple as recognizing that if I'm going to travel, I'd rather do that in the company of another person. It makes the travel part of the experience, it cuts down on expenses (one car burning gas instead of two), it makes meal time more enjoyable, and it reduces the chance of fatigue-related accidents (I've been fortunate so far, but have had some near misses, because I misjudged my own ability to drive when tired).

And being able to reframe this means that I'm not as concerned if no one responds. It doesn't change my plans to go to the event, and I view it more as "their loss" rather than a failing in me.

Also as a single, I've recently become more active in the SCA Singles community. Because who's going to change my circle of friends if not me? No one, that's who. I have started planning some singles activities for local events. Because that's an area that's not, in my opinion, very well served at the moment. It doesn't fall under any current officer's jurisdiction, and I don't pretend that it falls under mine (MOAS), but as a single, I'm owning the "be the change" attitude. I don't know that there needs to be an office for "Singles Herding," but I do feel that if one were to be created, it should be held by a single. Because those in committed relationships have a different view of what the SCA is, and what offerings are out there.

So I asked, on the barony's email list, rather than the monthly business meeting (which I usually can't attend due to work conflicts) if anyone minded if I held a small "Singles Scavenger Hunt" at our upcoming event (I'm already running the A&S Competition, but that should be fairly straightforward). Which would consist of a sheet of paper with prompts, inviting those who participate to go out and collect signatures of other singles that are described by the prompts. Easy peasy, and a great icebreaker. Another single on the SCA Singles FB group mentioned that they'd seen it done at an event, and I thought it sounded like a lot of fun. I've participated in similar, in other contexts.

I got no response from members of the barony, until I asked a friend if she'd seen the email (thinking perhaps there'd been a glitch and it didn't post). She had seen it, and we discussed the bureaucratic process of it (that I should likely have brought it up at a meeting, or directed it specifically to our autocrat/seneschal). Perhaps I should have. But it's out there, and I'll likely run it, as a small "test run," for whoever shows up, and then revamp it for future events. Because I think we need better ways of getting singles to meet one another.

One of the great things that has happened, with me becoming more active on the SCA Singles group, is that I've "met" a few people from nearby baronies, and we'll meet for real sometime soon at an event. Yay more friends! Because meeting other singles isn't just about dating. It's about widening your circles.

So, to wrap up: if you want something, ask for it. Be your own advocate. You deserve to be happy, and who knows better than you what will make you happy?  Don't demand it, but ask, and take steps to make it happen.